This is how we do it: ‘Since menopause, my sex drive has disappeared’

Two individuals, Ali, 58, and James, 65, openly describe how menopause has led to a complete loss of Ali’s sex drive, profoundly affecting their relationship and personal identities. Their stories provide insight into the emotional and physical impacts of menopause, a topic that remains under-discussed but highly relevant for many women and couples.

Ali reports that since menopause, her sex drive has disappeared entirely, with her feelings now centered on emotional intimacy rather than physical. She explains that her loss of libido is primarily mental, not physical, citing feelings of grief, anxiety, and self-consciousness as contributing factors. Ali moved out of her shared home with James, citing a need for independence and to manage her mental health, which has further impacted their physical relationship. James acknowledges that they still make love occasionally but at a reduced frequency, emphasizing emotional closeness and new forms of intimacy like baths and cuddling. He admits that he values their connection deeply but is unsure if he can find the same stimulation elsewhere, expressing a desire to remain with Ali despite the changes.

Why It Matters

This story highlights the emotional and relational challenges faced by women experiencing menopause-related loss of libido. It underscores the importance of understanding menopause as a complex physiological and psychological transition that can deeply affect personal identity and relationships. For readers, it brings awareness to the need for better support and communication around menopause and sexuality, which are often stigmatized or overlooked.

Background

Menopause typically occurs around age 50 and involves hormonal changes that can affect physical health, mood, and sexuality. While many women experience decreased libido, the extent varies widely. Historically, menopause has been understudied in relation to sexuality, and open discussions remain limited. Recent research emphasizes the importance of addressing emotional and mental health alongside physical symptoms. Personal stories like Ali and James’s shed light on the real-life impact of these changes, highlighting a need for more awareness and support systems.

“Since menopause my sex drive has completely disappeared. I just don’t feel like a sexual being any more. The problem isn’t physical dryness — it’s more mental.”

— Ali

“We still make love, but not to the extent that Ali wants or remembers. We’ve found new ways to be intimate, like baths and cuddling.”

— James

What Remains Unclear

It remains unclear how widespread or uniform these experiences are among women going through menopause, and what specific treatments or therapies might effectively restore libido. The long-term emotional impacts on relationships are also still being studied, and individual experiences vary widely.

What’s Next

Healthcare providers are increasingly recognizing the importance of addressing sexual health during menopause. Future research may focus on effective interventions and support strategies. For Ali and James, ongoing communication and mutual adaptation appear central; their story may encourage others to seek help and discuss these issues openly.

Key Questions

Is loss of sex drive common during menopause?

Yes, many women experience a decrease in libido due to hormonal changes, though the degree varies widely among individuals.

Can menopause-related libido loss be reversed?

Some treatments, including hormone therapy and counseling, may help restore libido, but effectiveness varies. Consulting a healthcare professional is recommended.

How can couples cope with changes in intimacy during menopause?

Open communication, exploring new ways of intimacy, and seeking support from health professionals can help couples navigate these changes.

Does emotional intimacy compensate for physical intimacy loss?

For some, emotional closeness can deepen despite physical intimacy decline, but individual needs and experiences differ.